What's in a name?

I wonder if Kofi will forgive me his name?

When he was first born, I wanted to call him my little Coffee Bean (a cute version of Kofi Benjamin) and "my little monkey," each of which was vetoed by my sensible friend Marsha. So, I've been left calling him Kofiman (with a slight Jamaican accent), and occasionally the Kofinator (thanks, David), but mostly, just Kofi, or Kofi Benjamin, or Kofi Benjamin Ralston (often sung and I would post the music here, but I'm waiting to copyright it).

SO:
Much to my dismay, I was in Walgreen's in Brookline two weeks ago and woman came up to me and said, "Your son is so cute" -- (we get that a lot) -- "What's his name?" And when I told her "Kofi" she said, "Oh, that means 'little monkey' in Hebrew, or more literally, 'my monkey'."  Well, needless to say I was struck with panic and immediately emailed Eve who confirmed what the meddlesome Brookline language maven told me. I then reconfirmed it when I ran into a neighborhood Israeli acquaintance of mine: Yes, it means "my monkey."

Well, it was supposed to be Ghanaian, not Hebrew. Born on Friday. Like Kofi Annan (DOB 4/8/38 -- yes, a Friday: don't you love the web?) Not that he's Ghanaian. He's American. Born in Houston. But I liked the name, and will stick by it and make him proud to be my (well, now our) little wonderful-joyful-playful-bursting-with-energy son.

For those who are still following this blog:

http://stevenandrobsadoption.blogspot.com

He's walking, he's talking, he's wearing my glasses. So far, so good. A fever to 104 a few weeks ago, but we all survived. The most recent major frustration is trying to get a birth certificate so we can take him out of the country (Montreal, for God's sake!) and between the Massachusetts Courts ("We sent the paperwork") and the MA Registry of Births ("We never received the paperwork") and the Texas Registry ("Kofi?? What an INTERESTING name! But no, you're not the legal father, we can't issue you a birth certificate... but I LOVE that name, I'm so bored with all the James and Davids we have to do." -- imagine it all in an annoying drawl), it has been a lesson in bureaucratic insanity.

Well, if we can't do Montreal, we'll go to Vermont to the Von Trapp Family Lodge. Does it get gayer than that?

Yes, technically, he's Jewish (Kofi, not the Santa). But, who could resist the first Santa photo op? As you can tell, it didn't go all that well.

And, yes, I've missed blogging about his first birthday which was great. We had a lovely party which doubled as a holiday party (meaning we could serve both cupcakes AND cocktails) (and, yes, I made the cupcakes from scratch, and the frosting too) (and will probably use a mix from now on, because, let's face it, do kids really care??).

So, a year ago, I barely had a child and now a year later, I have a whole family. Rob moved in a few months ago and it's as though he was here all along (at least, all along the Kofi adventure) and it seems as hard to imagine my life without him as it does imagining it without Kofi. We make a good team, relieving each other of the Kofi-burdens when they (rarely) occur, and sharing in the Kofi-joys (of which there are many). He is both patient and firm (good traits in a co-parent and a principal, which is his day job). But most of all, Kofi adores him and he's great with Kofi. And he's great with me too.

So, I know I keep threatening to end this blog... we'll see where it goes from here.

Happy Holidays, Happy New Year to all!

Adoption Day: October 29, 2009

Should I stop the blog?

The adoption is final. Actually, final and irrevocable according to Judge Armstrong. It feels great. Kofi had a mild diaper disaster (up most of his back, if you must know) just before we went into the courtroom, so he wasn't wearing the very cute outfit I had picked out for him when we finally went before the judge. She (the judge) was terrific, clearly happy to being partaking in a joyous occasion. Even let me sit in her chair with Kofi. [I told her that it was every doctor's fantasy to sit in the judge's chair; she laughed.]

But I'm ready for another. I called my social worker this afternoon to set up an appointment to start the process for Kofi's little brother/sister (or maybe older brother/sister??). I think I'd like another baby, as hard as that was. Rob being with me during this has been such a godsend. I'm not sure how I could have done it alone (what was I thinking???).

Anyway, thanks to EVERYONE who has been supporting me during this and helping me out in countless ways from last minute babysitting to generously supplying me with car seats and swings to throwing showers to countless books, outfits, CDs and stuffed animals to all the moral support of even attempting this to all the love extended to my little bundle of Houston-born joy. You know who you are.

And, again, thanks to Marsha and Josh who were there in Houston at the beginning, well before Kofi's insane growth spurt, before he could do anything other than sleep and eat, pee and poop, before I realized how quick and deep love for a child can grow, before his first fall, before his first tooth, his first fever, and the pain he had teething that made me think I would do anything to take the pain away and made me so grateful for baby Tylenol and Motrin and perhaps gave me an inkling of another reason (other than the obvious) that parents try to protect their kids: it's horrible to see them in pain.

And a special thanks to my family who have been supportive in countless ways.

I should be studying for an exam tomorrow... but I couldn't resist posting this. We're off to court tomorrow (Kofi, Rob, and I). Unfortunately, the little one is sick... fever and diarrhea... and teething too. We'll have to pump him full of Tylenol and Motrin and maybe a dab of Anbesol for good measure, but we're quite excited. Still haven't picked out an outfit (for either of us).

OK. Three gates down, one, maybe two to go. Let's just say, it's been educational. Each one is easier and looks better than the last; I would post pictures, but I'm a bit embarrassed by some of the results. My tool hand (the right one) has suffered minor injuries only (one blister, one abrasion, and one bruise) and my left hand had a splinter a few weeks ago. Which reminded me of the times my mother used to take splinters out with a straight pin that had been passed through a burning match to sterilized it. It made me wonder when Kofi would get his first splinter and the tools I would use to remove it (I'm envisioning supplies stolen from the hospital: a packaged sterile needle, an alcohol swab, and of course some topical anesthetic cream probably left over from a circumcision).

The adoption becomes final in 5 days. I'm so excited, much more than I thought I would be. I guess I feel that Kofi is already my son, that the legal event sealing him to me and me to him should not seem that important, but I guess it is. Anyway, I've taken most of the day off for the event and will celebrate in the evening with friends...

Let the countdown begin: I have my court date for the adoption finalization on Oct 29, that's exactly 4 weeks from today. It's not like I don't feel like he's my son, or that I'm his father... but it will be nice to have it all be official so I don't feel like I'm a criminal every time I cross state borders and forget to inform my social worker!

In the meantime, our little guy is crawling, necessitating a trip to Babies 'R' Us and Home Depot to begin The Great South End Brownstone Gate Adventure. It was fun seeing other couples at the store with babies at the exact same developmental age (i.e. about to become dangerously mobile) and their recognizable looks of joy, confusion and near-panic.

The gates are slightly troublesome in our house because the staircases all have a curved banister on one side with a lovely veneer and balusters that I don't want to drill holes into... So I thought it required some woodworking creativity and I scavenged in the basement, found some lumber (mostly extra molding) from the renovations, and at Home Depot I planned on buying a simple hacksaw to cut the pieces down to size...but in the end I decided to by a low end TABLE SAW!! (see above) Next stop: You Tube to watch as many Table Saw Safety videos as possible. Then I read the instruction manual (which, I NEVER do). And voila! I was an amateur carpenter, still with 10 fingers, with a slightly shaken-up baby (the saw was VERY loud when I turned it on and it startled everyone) and a lovely gate between the kitchen foyer and the basement.

Unfortunately, I realized as soon as I closed it for the first time, that it would prevent the cats from reaching their litter closet... Back to the drawing-board...

Kofi on the Web

Yes, I know, I know. I haven't blogged in a while. I saw "Julie and Julia" the other night (yes, I still see movies... occasionally) and I don't know how she found time to work, cook, and blog every day.

Anyway, Kofi is now 8 months old and is so much fun: babbling, sitting, turning over, standing up (with the help of another human being or a stable piece of furniture). Today I bought those little plastic things that you put in the electrical outlets to keep your children from electrocuting themselves. They even have fancy ones now with buttons that are easier to remove so you can "save your nails" which is a bit sexist, but whatever: I bought the cheap ones and will deal with the ungual problems as they arise. Not sure how we're going to deal with the gating issue. The problem is that the banister is curved and elegant and I don't think I want to put nails or screws into the banister or the newels (if that is the right word) or the other things (I just googled it: they're called balusters) (http://www.stairpartsusa.com/Stair_Builders_Resources_s/192.htm for those of you who want to name parts of your staircases correctly). Someone on my new moms listserv (yes, also sexist) suggested I get a carpenter to make custom gates... I'm thinking some strategically-placed cushions and a helmet for Kofi might be cheaper.

Anyway, if you want to see more of the Kofster, the Kofiman, the Kofinator... please tune into YouTube and search under sjralston and Kofi and you'll find an assortment. My favorite so far is this one:

Yes, it's been a while.

Here are the vitals: 6 months, 21lb (on the bathroom scale... pediatrician's scale next month), cuter by the minute. Eating solid (well, pureed) foods with appropriate changes in his poops (yes, I'm one of those parents that thinks everyone wants to know about his kid's excretory achievements). Sitting-up well, great hand coordination, not really interested in rolling (yes, too heavy, I think). Babbling, babbling, babbling.

And he loves it when I sing especially "The Kofi-man Song":

Who can be born in Texas,

In 2008,

At 9:42 in the morning,

December 19th was the date?

The Kofi-man!

Yes, the Kofi-man can!

The Kofi-man can 

'Cause he fills your heart with love;

He's a perfect kinda guy.

Who can sleep for hours,

Wake up with a scream,

Suck down all his formula,

And be his father's dream?

The Kofi-man!

Yes, the Kofi-man can!

The Kofi-man can 

'Cause he fills your heart with love;

He's a perfect kinda guy.

His weight is off the graph,

I love to hear him laugh:

It's satisfying and delicious.

Oh, well talk about your fatherhood wishes:

Can't wait 'til he can do the dishes!

Little Kofi Benjamin

Came as a surprise.

But, who could put such joyful tears

Into his father's eyes?

The Kofi-man!

Yes, the Kofi-man can!

The Kofi-man can 

'Cause he fills your heart with love;

He's a perfect kinda guy.

I should definitely be working, but I had to post this picture... Kofi is not just getting cuter, but his cerebellum seems to have kicked in and he is now reaching for objects and generally acting more coordinated. We took him for a walk this weekend and received countless "Oohs" and "Aahs" and "*sighs*" and even one "That's the cutest one yet!"

I have to start thinking about suncreen. It's supposed to be 90 degrees here today...

In the meantime, his birth has been published in the Richmond, Texas newspaper and as long as no one comes forward claiming to be his father by May 18th, we should be able to go to court (well, not we, but they... I don't have to go) to terminate the parental rights of the birth father. It was kind of sad to see Kofi's name in the legal announcement: it seemed like an invasion of his privacy, and an absurd step to have to take when he is so clearly mine! As my friend Jonathan says about his adopted son, "There's nothing you can say to convince me that I haven't given birth to him." The upside is that they sent me a copy of the announcement so I have his birth father's name in case Kofi ever wants to go searching for him...

Naming Ceremony

Kofi had a naming ceremony last weekend. Here is a picture of Rowan singing a song he wrote for the occasion. Kofi was very well behaved during the ceremony and it was attended by my parents and my brother Jonathan and my niece Madeline.

I've posted the ceremony on YouTube... you can find it by searching for "Kofi's Naming Ceremony"; it's about 28 minutes total. Parts 4 and 5 are my favorites and the sound quality is best on these parts too...

And, yes, I have not updated this site in a while... he is sleeping mostly through the night now and is generally quite perfect and loving and soft and cuddly and smiley and adorable. If you call me, I'll tell you about the little spill he took from his swing today: he wasn't hurt and it was a great stress test for my heart.

Thanks to Marsha for the Obama onesie. Sorry I've not posted in a while: life is busy. But last night, he slept from 8pm to 4am (5am with daylight savings, but I'll take 8hrs of sleep in a row). Of course, he has been simply ravenous this morning having skipped a meal (or two) last night!

Oh, and of course, he is still perfect.

Kofi's Growth Charts

The pediatrician said that he is still growing at the maximum allowable rate. I'm afraid of what this might mean... 14lb today at 9 weeks!! He suggested that I start him on a little rice cereal to make him less hungry... 

In the meantime, the adoption agency in Texas has been less than communicative with me about the status of my legal wranglings in TX. Now they've decided that they need to send a certified letter to Nigeria to contact the biological father... and while I think that is reasonable, I just wish they would tell me these things prior to my calling up and asking why we don't have a court date scheduled (to terminate the parental rights of the biological parents). I'm not that worried, just a bit frustrated.

Meanwhile, he's beginning to smile and be playful. And that, my friends, is priceless.

Valentine's Update

Well, I think I have a nanny. She's a lovely woman from Mexico (but has permanent residence -- read: she's legal -- here) and after a series of emails (in Spanish -- with some help from my secretary!) I think we have reached an agreement. Un acuerdo, as they say.

In the meantime, I'm back at work now and feeling pretty good about that, liking the 3-day work week (until May), and trying to get things done around the house (like setting up Kofi's room) (and laundry) (and the dishes) during my days off.

Kofi is exploding with neurologic development and physical heft. He must weigh over 13lb now (at least that's how much my scale went up when I put him in my arms); we go to the pediatrician next week, so I'll have an accurate weight then. He sleeps between 3 and 5 hours in a row at night. If I only have to get up once to give him a bottle, I consider that a resounding success.

The weather is warming and we've been venturing out in his stroller (that is, in one of his four strollers) and still socializing as much as possible. The picture above was from a party last weekend (I barely saw him after we walked through the door because EVERYONE wanted a turn holding him). Last week we went to Drag Bingo and he met his first drag queens. His father won a t-shirt by answering a trivia question, but didn't do so well at Bingo...

Simply put, he remains a joy. Cute as a button, smart as a whip, and, well, pretty much perfect.

The Chronicles of Nannia

15 hours.

That's how long my first nanny lasted, a mere 900 minutes to discover he had lied about his immigration status and his ability to work legally in the US. It turns out that it's expensive to be a student in the US and he needs to work to stay here and study. It's enough to push me left-of-center.

Luckily, Kofi slept 5 hours in a row last night so I'm approaching this headache with less sleep-deprivation than usual.

Luckily, Parents in a Pinch exists and I have a babysitter for tomorrow (my first day back at work).

Luckily, Amy is coming over after work to babysit so I can go to my class (Health Care Finance -- *yawn*).

Luckily, one of my friends from the School of Public Health has agreed to be my temporary nanny and I'm only working Tues-Thurs for the next 3 months.

And, in case you're wondering, yes, Kofi is STILL the cutest.

Overdue update.

Well, these posts are really becoming less frequent, despite the fact that I've had live-in help (my mother for two weeks -- she was awesome -- and now my equally as helpful sister). My nanny starts on Sunday. I have an official standing with the IRS as a household employer (just in case I'm ever up for Surgeon General or Secretary of State) (hopefully they won't find out about my cleaning people, my dalliances with ______ in college, and that little border snafu in high school when we tried to smuggle Mike back into the country after a night of carousing in Niagara Falls) (my son will NEVER pull such stunts, right?).

Anyway, Kofi is excellent, though still not sleeping great...

As you can see, the shower was a complete success. I spent hours playing in Kofi's safari gymansium (there's even a little mirror to satisfy the narcissist in me) (as if this blog weren't enough)...

But on a serious note, thanks to everyone who showed up and made it a completely joyous occasion for me. The YouTube video above only captures a bit of the festive feeling of the occasion. And I've posted a slide show of everyone I caught on camera holding Kofi. 

A very special thanks to Emily and Karen for organizing a stupendous event and for making it happen without an iota of effort from me.

Today Kofi's Social Security Card arrived in the mail. Not that there will be any Social Security when he retires (retires? I can barely imagine him sitting up yet!). But I have to say it's kind of great to get a government issued document that confirms my son's existence.  Is that weird for me to be beaming while gazing upon a mere piece of cardboard???

Turns out I needed help

What was I thinking? 

Josh is here for a week and it is such a blessing. He cooks, cleans, shops, watches Kofi while I work out, and makes homemade brownies for dessert.

So today, I decided that, indeed, I need more help for when he leaves. It's just crazy to think that I can do this on my own. So my Mom is flying in from London for 2 weeks. And then my sister is flying in from Seattle for a week. And then it will be February and I hope that I will have a Nanny in place by then.

The nanny search, I fear, may require a blog of its own. I put an ad on Craigslist last night and I've had over two dozen responses. Some I deleted immediately (I think they should have to be able to spell "nanny" correctly) but some seem (emphasis on the seem) like real possibilities. Tomorrow I'm going to make my first phone calls...