Steven's Adoption: The Musical

I spent the weekend in NYC, my last hurrah before the end-of-my-life-as-I-know-it. And on the ride home (3hr & 45min, in case you're wondering) I was singing showtunes (imagine that!) and thought I should catalog some of the lyrics that will inform my parenting philosophy and fears:

Did you think life was sweeter than honey?
Did you think you had plenty of money?
Now you're gonna have a kid, well sonny:
Kiss it all goodbye.

China plates, did you think about keeping?
Sporty cars did you think about beeping?
Sunday mornings, did you enjoy sleeping?
(Kids don't even try.)

Will you give up some things that you'll want? Sure!
Each of them's gonna need orthodonture.
Any junk that the monsters will want, you're
Gonna have to buy

But your head is high and the air is sweet
And the street will not stay under your feet
You walk along with to a funky beat
Whereever you go you're happy.

Deep in debt, with holes in your shoes
But you've got The Fatherhood Blues
You're happy.
--------------From a somewhat obscure musical, "Baby", Richard Maltby, Jr.

Plant a beanstalk, get a beanstalk
Just the same as Jack.
Then if you don't like it
You can always take it back.

But if your issue doesn't kiss you
Then I wish you luck
For once you've planted children
You're absolutely stuck

Every turnip green, every kidney bean
Every plant grows according to the plot
While with progeny, it's hodgepodgeny
For as soon as you think you know what kind you've got
It's what they're not
--------------From "The Fantasticks",  Tom Jones

Everyone hates his parents
Don't be ashamed
You'll grow up, you'll come through
You'll have kids
And they'll hate you too

Everyone hates his parents
But I confess
You grow up, you grow old
You hate less
--------------From "March of the Falsettos", William Finn

I'll be damned if he marries his boss's daughter
A skinny-lipped virgin with blood like water
Who'll give him a peck, and call it a kiss
And look in his eyes through a lorgnette
Say, why am I taking on like this?
My kid ain't even been born yet!

I can see him when he's seventeen or so
And starting into go with a girl
I can give him lots of pointers very sound
On the way to get round any girl
--------------From "Carousel", Oscar Hammerstein, III